New Face

I gave my blog a new face today. I think it's quite pretty myself, although I'm not a huge fan of blue. The Lake sort of calls for it thought, doesn't it? Once I uploaded the picture, I knew it had to be blue all the way.

The past few days have been blurry. I've been more exhausted recently than usual, I'm not sure why. Despite trying to go to bed earlier this week, my body still protests when the alarm goes off. I swear I wasn't this tired last week. What's more, a strange darkness has taken over my upper eyelids. Mum thinks it's because I don't sleep enough, but it feels like something more. I'm worried it's my body's way of telling me I might be sick. I'd like to just suck it up and go to the doctor but it's so inconvenient having to wait at the walk-ins. And of course, if I do decide to go to the clinic, I'll feel guilty if I don't bring up the million other things wrong with me right now.

I'm beginning to think the itchiness is an allergy. I used to think it was just dry skin, but when 'A' spotted a hive the other day, I began to think it might be something else. In fact, I'm worried that I'm allergic to something I wear...

I went to the Canucks game last night on a $60 ticket. Sitting in the upper bowl is about as good as I remember it being. While the people are rougher than in the lower bowl, I think it makes for a better atmosphere. Hockey isn't meant to be watched by business men in suits trying to keep appearances. I really do resent all the season ticket holders who don't show up to the games. Give them away, action them off, donate to charity...do SOMETHING with them. It helps no one that those seats are empty night after night; not the team, not the other fans in the building and certainly not the people who aren't able to be at the game.

We lost. What's new? I'm not jumping off the bandwagon, because I DO feel a renewed sense of hope at the very beginning of each game, but they're really ruining it for me. I don't agree with the booing at the end, but I couldn't help but feel a little heartbroken when the final buzzer went. When it comes down to it, none of us know what they're feeling. None of us know how hard they're trying or how much they want it. None of us know. I can't listen to talk radio anymore, the negativity is awful.

I'm going to try to call the doctor again today to get a physical. Although, if it's going to cost me $100 and then more money on top of that to get the shots before I even find out if I'm going to get into the program...I'm not sure that it's worth it. Going through all of that and not even getting in will be tough. Although, with the discussions A and I have been having of late, going through all of that and getting IN might be even tougher. I'm trying not to think about it because it makes me really upset and if anything, the prospect of getting into this program should be nothing but exciting and happy and great. I may have already ruined it for myself.

16 days 'til Toronto and counting. I'm definitely more excited about Toronto than I am about Cabo, but that might change in the coming months. Of course, it will change after Toronto and with only Cabo in front of me. I'm beyond excited at the chance to spend a week alone with my two best friends. A lot has happened between the three of us and I think a week together will be good and hopefully cleansing. I haven't been the greatest friend lately but I do want to change that. I realized in the past couple days that other than my family, they're the only solid thing in my life. I've done some pretty terrible things to them in the past and they've stuck by me. There's never any question that we'll remain friends but it's up to all three of us to decide how good of friends we'll be. I think we can be as close as ever, we just have to work at it.

It's only 10:07am and I'm about ready to pack it in for the day. My eyes just won't stay open. I can't tell if that's because I didn't sleep enough or if it's the actual eyelid problem. Whatever it is, it's not very ideal with more than 6 hours of a workday still ahead of me. The worst thing is, I don't even have an evening to look forward to, which is a truly awful thing to say considering we're supposed to be going to S's game tonight. It's not that I don't want to go because of the hockey or because it's S...I'm just plain exhausted, spent, dead. Maybe I'll ask A to leave me when he goes...but I don't want that either. I'd prefer if he stayed, thought I don't think I can ask that of him.

I think I'm going to try to do actual work now...lots of specs to format.